Where have I been?

Nowhere, really. I have found that spring is a neck-breaking catapult into summer. Just when I get hopeful about spring coming around the bend we are in the downhill slide to summer. I can't seem to get a hold of anything as time speeds up with choir tour, end of the year field trips, school programs, annual work trip with D, Memorial Day...

In March I envision myself crawling into a comfortable hammock-type apparatus. I know that I can survive the rest of the cruel Minnesota winter and I look fondly to the horizon of a far off summer. "There is still time" I tell myself. I enjoy the schedule of school, lessons, rehearsals, and church activities. Routine wraps me in a warm, predictable embrace all school year long. I snuggle into my proverbial hammock feeling as if predictability will be my companion for a good-long time.

Little do I know that my snuggly hammock is really a fully cocked catapult ready to let loose. And so it does. It lets loose and sends me hurtling through time until I land in a gelatinous puddle of fatigue and bewilderment in late June. I am not saying that March to June are unpleasant days; quite the contrary, I love the blossom of spring and the anticipation of warm days, late nights, and sleeping in. Oh I love to sleep! But my June puddling self can't seem to be present in any of the moments I have "flown" over. Not sure how to slow all that down and really suck the marrow from each day.

My oldest daughter B is well on her way to young womanhood and all the blessings that come with that transition. Her life seems to swirl around my head and I try to keep smiling as I know her time with me is fleeting. I love that child. She is the product of prayer, fasting, and faith. A joy to me she has always been. Even in times of struggle, my interactions with her convince me that I am truly alive and a mother. Is it possible to both dread and eagerly anticipate the future? I am so excited to know her as she journeys into adulthood, but my heart will always ache for the days of snuggles, milk mustaches, and story books together.

My middle child M is an amazement. She colors my world vivid. If not for her, my life would be black and white and often without a soundtrack. Her perspective has opened up new experiences for me and my appreciation of all creation. What a blessing she has been to all of us with her tender heart and sensibility. What will she be and more importantly, what will she wear?

My boy C is my little man. Muscle from head to toe and a heart of gooey caramel. He smothers me with kisses and wants to help and take care of all "his girls". He has an old spirit that seems to communicate easily with heaven. I often sneak up to listen at his door as he talks with God and tells him all of his thoughts. Tender and simple, he thanks God for making his life possible, for frogs and beautiful rocks. He asks that no one will ever be hurt. No one will ever have their house burn down or get sick from carbon monoxide poisoning. (latest obsession) Help us to love each other and for everyone to know God better.

So, where have I been? Right here. Not present in the blogosphere, maybe not even present enough in my every day, but still right here - hurtling through time trying to grab any little bit of joy as it flies by.